An Even More Inconvenient Truth

I can’t say I’m too concerned with global climate change in my day-to-day life.  It’s not like I’m driving a Hummer to work while Aqua Netting my hair with the windows down, but I also don’t, for instance, worry about buying green-friendly paint when I’m redecorating my oil rig.  But I try to do my part where I can.  I don’t litter, and I routinely protect our atmosphere from deadly methane by corking cow anuses.  But according to the Food Climate Research Network, most of our plans for fighting global warming are off track.  Their new report on the impact of food on the environment suggests that the only way to avoid massive climate change is to ration our meals to four modest portions of meat and a single liter of milk per week.  For someone who enjoys Taco Bell’s Beefy Beef-Wrapped Beefcrunchers (with meat sauce) and a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew for nearly every meal, this will be especially difficult.  But while the rabid vegans of the world have been decrying global cattle farming and meat consumption as the number one cause of global warming, the FCRN says the rationing attitude is a much better fit.  After all, developing countries that rely on meat diets and animal byproducts like leather and genuine pig hoof earrings can’t afford to switch to a vegan diet.  In addition to rationing meat and eliminating low-nutrition foods like candy, alcohol, and Funyuns, the FCRN provides a few more guidelines for stabilizing the climate.  Cooking in bulk and using seasonal ingredients are encouraged, and so is levying a carbon tax on those foods that cause more harm to the environment to produce.  In other words, force good eating habits on the public through the power of monolithic government intervention.  Their argument (and it’s a hard one to refute) is that meager “awareness” campaigns don’t work, so you have to hit consumers where it hurts.  No, not their fat-gorged abdomens.  Their genuine camel leather wallets.  More details here.