Bigfoot Diddles Kids

That's according to recently-arrested child molester and Bigfoot bait Gene Morrill, who told investigators he was molested as a boy by the legendary 10-foot-tall creature. Prosecutors believe this is part of some kind of lame insanity defense, though his lawyer claims Morrill actually believes this happened. But has anyone considered maybe it really did? Maybe the reason Bigfoot only appears in grainy photographs taken by rednecks is because he's really a camera shy Internet predator. Imagine one day turning on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" and seeing the orange-haired mythical primate sitting on a stool in a suburban kitchen, explaining to Chris Hansen how it's all a big misunderstanding. Read more here.