Cleanse Your Inner Paltrow

Not all of us can be as wonderfully fit and vivacious as professional “actor” and part-time lumber source Gwyneth Paltrow (pictured here in character as a gift-wrapped bag of twigs). Which is why she created GOOP.com, the website and newsletter wherein she tells you how to eat, play, live, and poop just like her. Seriously, she tells you about her poop. Her latest bit of wisdom? Promoting a “detox” diet developed by “detox specialist” Dr. Alejandro Junger. Why am I putting “detox” in scare quotes? Because it doesn’t really mean anything. Anything you shove down your throat (or up your ass, for that matter) to cleanse toxins from your system does nothing for your health since your body isn’t full of toxins. Like the word “energy”, people with no critical thinking skills use the word “toxin” to mean whatever they want without providing anything like evidence to show what it even is. Regardless, Paltrow just knows she’s full of toxins, so she recently tried out Dr. Junger’s suggested diet of one solid meal a day sandwiched by two liquid ones. Now she says she lost some weight and feels “pure”. I know it seems miraculous that a diet of very little actual food might lead to weight loss, but this is really just science. And what inspired Gwyneth to try this new diet out? According to her, it was guilt about the extra pounds she’d gained after a month-long “relax and enjoy life phase”. Good thing she learned to stop relaxing and enjoying life before it was too late. More details here.

Weeeee!

Researchers at Ohio University may have found a cheap and abundant source of hydrogen to potentially fuel future hydrogen-powered cars. Yeah, it’s pee pee. Turns out the primary component of urine, urea, has four hydrogen atoms per molecule, as opposed to water’s two. Using a nickel-based electrode, the urea atoms can be easily broken apart with less voltage than it takes to split water. Which means that urine could be a less expensive and more abundant source of hydrogen. Not only that, but the process could also be used to clean wastewater of its nasty, nasty piss before it’s delivered to your house via faucet. Yum! No word yet on when we can expect pee-powered vehicles or other devices, but I’m going to start saving my urine in Mountain Dew cans immediately. As a World of Warcraft player, I pretty much do that already. More details here.

Porno No No

Ukrainian president Viktor Yushchenko (seen here either recovering from a Russian assassination attempt or campaigning for a villain role in the next Dick Tracy movie) has signed into law a bill banning pornography from his country. No longer will any Ukrainian be allowed to legally possess video or photographs of naked humans sticking their body parts in each other. Truly, a victory for sense and freedom. The new law goes on to say that anyone caught with multiple copies of a pornographic image may be charged as a dealer. Also, there is an exemption for "medicinal" porn. I'd argue that all pornography is a cure for the crippling illness of not having a boner, but there's a larger issue at stake here. Pun possibly intended. What exactly constitutes "pornography"? Two people having sex? One person having sex? Two people having sex with one person? Three monkeys, a girl, two cups, and a Klondike bar all having sex together? The only way to resolve this situation is to mail Viktor Yushchenko every questionable image you can get your hands on so that he may personally tell you whether or not you're allowed to have it in Ukraine. His address:

President Viktor Yushchenko
12 Shovkovychna St., Kyiv
Ukraine

Ghost Cat

A New Zealand couple believe they may have captured the ghostly apparition of an orange tabby cat on their personal security camera. After one of their bicycles was stolen from their driveway, Donna and Ross Sowerby set up a camera to catch the crook. But when they reviewed their footage, they saw an orangish, blurry ball moving across the frame. The ball is so blurry that it appears translucent, and it doesn't seem to be hindered by anything like the natural slope of the ground. But that's not stopping the Sowerbys (who, of course, are skeptics) from believing it might be the ghost of their neighbor's cat, which was run over not too long ago. Now, some might say this is obviously some sort of bug crawling across either the lens of the camera or the window in front of it, but that's just crazy talk. Donna sowerby sees cat legs, dammit! Truly, a paragon of critical thinking skills. To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how unlikely, must be the ghost of your neighbor's cat. More details (including video) here.

Wheel of Conversion

Turkey is a secular nation in name only. A huge majority of the population is Muslim, and Islamic clergy play a large role in government. But according to the producers of the new Turkish game show Penitents Compete, Turks don't care what religion you belong to just as long as you believe in something. Which is why the object of their show is to pit a Muslim imam, a Catholic priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk against a throng of atheists. If successfully converted, the "winning" atheist will receive an all expenses paid trip to the pilgrimage site of his or her choice. Critics charge that this show will cheapen all religions by turning them into crass reality television. But the show's creator says that Penitents Compete will be giving away the greatest gift of all: belief. I guess it's a good thing there's a sense of religious inclusion in the basic premise of the show, but I'm not sure the producers have really followed through with their idea. Converting someone from an atheist to, say, a cannibalistic sun worshiper probably isn't a good idea, no matter how much serenity and comfort that person gains from killing and eating human flesh. But I guess it takes all kinds. Well, except for atheists. More details here.

Sexy Tarot

59-year-old Philadelphian Hector Ayala is currently on trial for sexually assaulting teenage girls who came to him for Tarot card readings. One of his victims testified in court that Ayala told her having sex with him would bring her good luck and help make her wishes come true. But since having sex with Ayala wasn't one of her wishes, it seems likely he was incorrect. This raises some important issues about what would otherwise seem like a harmless form of playful bullshit. The fact is that many people who seek out fortune tellers, Tarot readers, psychics, and other delusional frauds are in a very vulnerable emotional state and can be easily manipulated into doing something more harmful than giving up their cash. But putting aside the sex with minors thing, are Ayala's claims about the mystical powers of his mouth and cock really any more absurd than saying some colorful slips of card stock can tell a person's future? More details here.

Inside the Amateur Scientist Studio: Michael Goudeau

Comic juggler and head writer of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! Michael Goudeau is in the studio this week to discuss skepticism on television, how to climb a six foot unicycle, the junction of politics and critical thinking, and how to make your own cheese.

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